let me think about something out loud.
You know how on tv,Guy wants to have sex with girl, girl says nooo (due to religion, way she's brought up etc) and the guy finds all ways to charm her or convince her to do it..
for his own pleasure?
he will say things like
"i will be gentle
it doesn't hurt
what if i wear something
you won't get pregnant
it feels good"
And if the girl doesn't give in, the emotional blackmail kicks in
"if you love me you will do it
i thought you cared about me"
etc.
even worse, there could be accusations like
"you did it with other people right?"
Then the guy will ignore her and push her away, she will try to talk to him, he is indifferent. she hurts.
then the girl most probably gets guilt-tripped because she doesn't want to lose him so she obliges.
a really sad but plausible story. you know how you used to watch tv and say "HUH WHY SHE SO WEAK WHY GIVE IN SO EASILY"
as you get older you actually see these things for yourself, and you feel the same emotions except in different scenarios and you realize how hard it is to tear yourself from someone you love. you're willing to do so much.
this earlier scenario did not happen to me please don't start assuming, but the feelings behind it, sure did.
i made myself look pathetic, pitiful, useless
actually begging, at one point, and of course, crying, but nothing changed.
and so the people around me told me to stop hurting myself, but then you can't because you're already in too deep. you keep getting stabbed but your hand is still holding on.
hours pass and your hand is tired, a finger slips. you freak out because you don't want to let go
you wonder why that person thinks in such a narrow manner. is the relationship worth so little to him that it jeopardizes everything else?
is there no way to solve things together?
you make up your mind to go over, then you get pushed away repeatedly, the person you want to hold on to is actually helping to step on your fingers.
one last finger holding on.
it can only last until midnight.
