How to meet a girl at a bar/club
I was at a bar one evening, when guy X approached me saying "hey are you B's gf?" (B was the name of the friend that I bumped into 10 minutes earlier). I figured that X was B's friend, so I allowed the basic introduction.
"Hi, I'm X."
"Claire. So how do you know B?"
"Oh we work at the same place."
"I see. How do I know you're telling the truth?" (I'm a cynic)
*X searches through his phone and finds a morbid picture of an open wound and shows it to me.*
"That's freaking gross man. I meant like a name card or something but okay I believe you."
So we make a little attempt at a conversation. He asks me what I work as, how I know B, and then he suddenly whips out his phone and asks for my Facebook contact.
When asked why, these words escaped his mouth.
"If you don't give me a form of contact, this is the last time we will see each other! Don't you want to meet for lunch or a movie or something?"
The first part made sense, the second part didn't. I refused and he pestered me for my cellphone number instead. Again, I did not oblige. I walked away.
Here's what's wrong.
1) No established rapport. Why do I want to have lunch with you when I am very happy with my group of friends and family? I don't even know you. Didn't help that you showed me a picture of wounds, I don't dig that sorta thing.
2) No proper plan. Guys who lounge straight to getting numbers or emails appear desperate and needy. Good things are worth the wait. You can get her number or email but she can still choose not to reply.
3) No drink. You know how guys at clubs or bars (the smart ones) get bottles of champagne and a bottle of whisky/vodka/beer? They are potent when taken in large amounts (or if you flush easily, small amounts too). Plus it also works in your favour if you're not as hot as Daniel Henney. How can you even hope to get something from a girl when you don't even buy her a drink? Buying a drink also gives you an excuse to continue talking to her until she finishes the drink. Therefore, don't buy a shot, buy a cocktail or something.
The next day, he found me on Facebook (no shit Sherlock, we have a mutual friend and you know my name.) Guess if I accepted his request?
I didn't.
Here are some tips for the guys out there who do the exact same thing as X and get the same results.
1) Plan a conversation.
If you have nothing to say, she will not want to carry on the conversation with you, bait lost. Always have simple questions under your sleeve - what kind of music do you like, do you come here often, etc or compliments ! A line or two about her style, her heels, her eyes, etc.
2) A drink or two.
Once you've broken the ice, offer to buy her a drink. This is also a test to see how interested she is in you. (women are not stupid) This also allows you to have a private corner with her, where her friends won't intervene and your friends won't laugh at you. Continue engaging her in conversation. Make sure you don't dominate or bombard her wih questions! Share something funny that happened to you recently, and if she laughs, it's a score.
3) Closing.
Ask if she'd like to keep in contact. A name card would suffice. If she didn't bring her name card then get her facebook contact. If you ask for her number, be sure to wait at least 2 days before you contact her, unless you want to be sweet and text something like "hope you got home safely" or "text me when you're home" or something. If she didn't laugh at your jokes, then I'll advise you NOT to text her within 48 hours.
This comes with practice, of course. Have you had similar situations with guys like these? Feel free to share in the comments below!
Post is not intended for guys who want a quick bang from a girl in a club. I do not promote that at all. I feel that it devalues the meaning of love. That being said, I won't hate/dislike someone just because they practice this. Also, I'm not responsible/liable if you've tried the above and it didn't work for you. Get a gal pal to be your wingwoman. It'll help. Peace out. xoxo
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